


Building the Family  From the Bottom

by SMRJ_103 (ShaunaBananaaa)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dad Castiel, Dad Dean, Father-Daughter Relationship, Friendship, Other, Uncle Sam, ill add more later as needed, im not good in tagging
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-15
Updated: 2016-04-08
Packaged: 2018-03-01 14:51:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2777171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShaunaBananaaa/pseuds/SMRJ_103
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Takes place after Season 10, episode 9 of Supernatural, But Emma is alive. (I SUCK AT SUMMARIES)</p><p>Claire goes to live at the bunker, with no where to go, and meets Emma. Though Claire's dad has died, with Cas living on in Jimmy's body, Claire starts to realize she needs her dad in her life, and see's a lot of her dad in who Castiel has become since their first meeting.</p><p>Emma needs to build a relationship with her dad, and with the help of Claire, who points out many times that Emma is lucky her dad's alive, Emma starts to see that she could have somewhat of a passable Father-Daughter Relationship.</p><p>And then Sam is there, being Sam.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Introduction

Claire walked into the surprisingly large bunker, behind Sam, Dean and Castiel. She didn’t have anywhere to go, and was promised a room and anything else she needed for as long as she wanted to stay, and well, after tonight, Claire had nowhere else to go, unless she wanted to go back to the group home, and that was out of the question.

Claire had intentionally not gone near Dean, for good reasoning’s. Dean had managed to slaughter three loan sharks, as well as the man who took her in as if she were his own child. Not that that mattered, Randy basically sold her to have more time to pay of his debt. So she wasn’t going to stay there anymore, but still, that didn't mean she wanted him dead.

At first she thought they were all crazy to offer her to stay at the bunker, where apparently Sam and Dean lived, and at the time, it was about half an hour after they left Randy’s, and Claire wasn’t ready to talk much, and when Sam offered, Claire looked at Castiel.

She was still pissed, and didn’t care much for Castiel, for obvious reasons. Maybe it was because he was wearing her dad’s body, maybe it was because she wanted to believe for the night that it was her dad sitting there. It would take more than what he did for her tonight to get her to forgive him.

She was looking to Castiel, because she didn’t want to talk, and she sure as hell did not want to be anywhere near Dean Winchester if Castiel wasn’t there.

“I will be staying at their bunker.” Castiel told Claire quietly. He didn’t add the part so Claire wouldn’t be there alone, and she wouldn’t get hurt.

And that’s how they got here, standing on the inside of the bunker. Claire had kept back mainly memorizing her surroundings, in case anything had happened that required a quick escape.

After about ten minutes taking in her surroundings, Sam had shown her to a hall of apparently empty bedrooms, and she was welcome to take anyone she wanted, so with a deep breath, she started down that hall, looking in each room.

All the doors were closed, so she didn’t think anything of knocking, and when she opened one door.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” A girl around Claire’s age asked.

She had redish hair, and brown eyes. She was tall, taller than Claire, and that was about as much as Claire could register before the girl spoke again.

“What are you doing?” The girl asked.

“I was told to pick a room down this hallway.” Claire responded, standing tall. “Why do you want to know? Who are you?”

“I’m Emma. Emma Winchester. But I don’t care much for my dad, so I don’t use the name Winchester past introductions. Who are you?”

“Claire Novak.”

“They sent you to this hall? Well that seems like them. Throw the people who don’t affect their daily lives in the hall they never go down.” The girl, Emma said.

This actually caused Claire to sigh in relief, before shaking her head. “That’s good. That means I can get the essentials in a living space while seeing as little of Sam and Dean as I can.” Claire responds, before going to look at the rest of the rooms.

“Why, did they do something? Don’t you have parents you can live with?”

Claire didn’t want to speak of either, but knew changing the subject would do nothing. This girl looked like Sam and Dean’s sister, who would want to know if anything happened to them.

“Sam didn’t really do much, but defend Dean.” Claire says, while looking through the rooms.

“What did Dean do?” Emma asked.

“Kill four people for no reason. One of them had taken me in as family when I had none.” Claire replied, and decided on the room opposite of Emma’s, simply because it was the best one.

“Wow, rough. So, what happened to your family, your parents?”

“Are you going to stop soon, or are you planning on getting my whole life story? Because I wouldn’t even talk about my life story with someone I knew well.” Claire snapped.

“God, I was just asking some questions. Look, they put you in this hall for a reason, and when someone’s put in this hall, they normally choose to stay in the hall except when it’s absolutely necessary to go elsewhere. It looks like you are staying a while; I was just trying to get to know you. You can even ask me whatever you want to ask me.” Emma explained.

“What about you? What happened to your parents?” Claire asked her.

“Well, my mom abandoned me. I wasn’t even a day old, though I looked about six or seven, and-“

“What?” Claire asks, cutting Emma off.

“I’m not exactly human. The only human I have, is the DNA I get from my dad. But anyway, I wasn’t a day old yet and she hands me off to these people who trained us to be strong, warriors. I never saw her after that. And my dad, well, he’s the guy who killed four people for no reason tonight.” Emma explains. “Yea, Dean’s my dad.  Which means Sam, my uncle, tried to kill me, before low and behold, Dean mentioned that I don’t have to complete the rituals to become an Amazon, and that’s not allowed, but honestly, I’m glad that happened. It doesn’t mean I love my dad or anything, but he did save me.”

It took a minute, but Claire started to laugh.

“What’s so funny?” Emma asks, looking at Claire.

“Nothing, it’s just, my mom abandoned me as well, left me at my grandma’s, after my dad sacrificed himself for me to be able to live. My dad’s dead, and all that’s left of him is a shell with an angel stuffed inside. Same angel Sam and Dean are so close with.” Claire mentioned.

She didn’t give time for a response. “I’m going to sleep, I didn’t get any on the way back here, and it’s really late.” Claire said before entering the room she’d chosen, and closing the door.

*** *** *** 

Claire didn’t wake up until early afternoon the next day, to find an outfit, with a note next to them.

 

_Cas brought Dean to go get some stuff for you, lots of clothes, toiletries, the essentials._

_Don’t worry, I went with them, to make sure they don’t get you anything you wouldn’t like. Wear some of my clothes for today, they may fit you._  

_Emma_  

_PS_

_Sorry for coming off as annoying or anything last night, it’s been a while since I’ve had someone who would actually want to have a conversation with me._


	2. Reminicing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, after reading this, if it turns out that you are hating Emma and Claire, than I'm doing something wrong.  
> If it turns out that you're hating Sam, Dean and Cas, than I'm doing something right?  
> I don't want you to hate them, I just want you to feel the pain that Emma and Claire do. So I hope that I can do that. Leave a comment, and enjoy the chapter.

Claire looked at the clothes the girl, Emma had left for her. They weren't the kind of clothes she normally wore, and hoped that the girl, Emma, took note of what she was wearing the night before when picking out her clothing.  
  
Claire sighed, before picking up the clothes, and walking out of the room. The girl obviously got her fashion sense from her father, where as Claire didn't want to take anything from her parents. She didn't want to act like her parents, didn't want to dress like her parents. She wanted nothing from her parents.  
With a deep breath, she walked out of the room, and down the hall to the main living area was. Emma had mentioned in her note that Castiel and Dean and left, so that meant that Sam would be here. And though she didn't want to ask him for any kind of help, she guessed he was the only one of the three she felt most comfortable around.  
  
She didn't want to look, but knew she had to, and was extremely glad that she didn't have to look far. Sam was sitting in the library area. She didn't even have to announce her presence before Sam had looked up. She wasn't surprised, she knew little of them, but what she did know is that they were trained for things, and were difficult to sneak up on.  
  
“Claire. Hi, I didn't expect to see you.” Sam had said, looking over to her, his eyebrows raised, before a look of concern crossed his face.  
  
“I don't know where the washroom is.” Claire stated simply, not bothering with formalities, or the common courtesy to even say hi. Just because she was glad it was him who stuck around as apposed to Dean or Castiel, didn't mean she liked him.  
  
“Right, it's uh, right beside the main entrance. There are left over eggs bacon and toast in the kitchen, Cas said to make sure there was extra for you.” Sam said, looking at Claire.  
  
Claire looked at him for a minute. She knew he was trying to be nice, knew from when she was younger that he was the nicer of the two, but she wouldn't open up and speak more than she needed to, so she just walked to where he said the washroom was, making a mental note to ask that Emma girl if there was one closer to their hallway.  
  
Once in the privacy of the washroom, Claire let herself relax, and walk over to the mirror, and look at her reflection. Claire now knew why Sam had looked concerned. She saw herself in the mirror, with thick bruises on her neck. Seeing the bruises, she was brought back to the loan shark holding her to the ground by her neck. She wouldn't be surprised if there were bruises in other parts of her body, but she didn't want to look for them.  
  
Claire closed her eyes, and took a deep breath, before she turned the water for the shower on, undressed and stepped in.  
  
Claire's mind wandered while she stood under the streams of hot water, going back to when she was happy, when life was simple. Some of her favourite memories were sitting at the dinner table with her parents. Her dad leading grace before eating, and then telling them about the problems at school. Looking back at those problems, they were nothing compared to what she's been through now.  
  
She remembered her dad joking after dinner was done, the way her mom looked at him with such love in her eyes. She remembered wanting to be the perfect mixture of her parents.  
  
And then Castiel happened. She remembered that night perfectly. She remembered being woken up by her dad kissing her forehead in the middle of the night. She had tried to go back to sleep thinking nothing of the whispered I love you. She had almost been asleep before she heard the front door.  
  
Claire had gotten out of bed pretty quickly after that, running to see who was at the door, and saw a bright white light, making her close her eyes. When the light was gone, she walked out the front door to see her dad starting to walk away.  
  
“Daddy?” She had called out, not expecting the reply she got in the least.  
  
“I am not your father.” It was then that she saw her dad walk away, that was the moment her life was ruined.  
  
Her mom had not been so lively, or loving after that. Her mom had started dating her dads best friend, and was often never home when Claire had gotten back from school. Most nights, Claire had had to make her own dinner, put herself to bed. When her mom was not out with her dads friend, she was trying to use alcohol to erase the pain her Castiel had caused.  
  
Claire forced herself to stop thinking in the past, while she washed up, before getting out of the shower, and putting her underclothes back on. She looked at Emma's clothes for a few minutes longer before deciding to put them on. She threw her shirt in the garbage, the sleeve being ripped nearly off, and grabbed her own jeans before walking out of the washroom, and immediately noticed a near full laundry basket outside the door.  
  
Claire didn't think they wanted her to do laundry, she knew, or at least she hoped, that Sam had picked up on her uneasiness and waited until he heard the water before moving the basket outside the washroom so she wouldn't have to go looking.  
  
Dropping her jeans into the basket, she quickly made her way to the kitchen to get the food Sam had mentioned, silently eating it, before escaping back down the empty hallway to her room.

 

Claire had been sitting on her bed, lost in thought for about an hour and a half longer before there was a knock at her door. Claire didn't notice until the door opened and the girl named Emma walked in with a few bags on her arms.  
  
“I hope I got things that you like. I picked the wardrobe out of what looked similar to what you were wearing last night.” Emma put the bags on Claire's bed before leaving the room to bring back more.  
  
“How was all this afforded?” Claire asked, trying to get her mind on a mundane thought, rather than where it's been.  
  
“Uh, all I know is that Dean and Sam are not known as Dean and Sam in the general public. The name on Deans credit card isn't his name.” Emma replied.  
  
Claire rolled her eyes. So much for boring mundane worries. She sat up straighter, and looked at Emma.  
  
“You didn't have to go, just to make sure they picked out 'the right stuff.' You could have stayed here.” Claire tells the girl.  
  
“What do you mean?” Emma asked in response, wondering why Claire had said that.  
  
“Well, you mentioned last night, you don't care much for Dean.” Claire replied back.  
  
“Yeah, uh, I didn't have much of a choice in the matter. Dean suggested I go along, which is just a nice way of saying that he made me go, and used 'father/daughter bonding' as an excuse. Then Cas said something along the lines of 'You being a teenage girl, would have a higher insight of what Claire would want in the way of clothing and toiletries.' That only strengthened Deans decision that I was going.”  
  
Claire looked at the girl, and only now let herself believe that this girl knows exactly what it's like to grow up with horrible parents. Claire's dad disappeared while it was Emma's mom. Claire's mom was distant and unparent-like while it was Emma's dad. And upon realizing this, Claire decided that the other girl could be a good friend.  
  
“Hey, are you hungry?” Emma asked, looking at Claire.  
  
“Yeah, I guess.” Claire replied, looking at the other girl.  
  
“Lets go make some food then.” Emma smiled, pulling Claire up.  
  
Claire really didn't want to leave the hallway, let alone her own room, but the idea of Emma there made the idea of facing Dean Winchester and Castiel easier to face. Claire could take care of herself, but remembering how Emma had mentioned that she wasn't completely human and was trained to be strong came to mind.  
  
But the penetrating stares from Castiel when Emma lead Claire to the kitchen made Claire extremely uncomfortable, especially after remembering how she had been his vessel once before, and was unwilling to let her go. Claire remembered looking through her eyes, as Castiel spoke through her lips, trying to convince her dad that he should let Castiel remain in Claire herself.  
  
Claire didn't really want Castiel to use her body when he couldn't use her dads, but she was young and stupid then, and Castiel had promised to save her parents, where they wouldn't be hurt. Claire had not anticipated her mom being possessed by a demon, or Castiel trying to keep her, letting her dad die.  
'She's with me now. It's in her blood, just as it was yours.' Castiel had told her dad, when he had begged for Castiel to take him.  
  
Claire despised her dad for sacrificing himself, letting himself die, even if it was to save him. She knew it wasn't fair, but she couldn't help the feeling of anger towards her own father.  
  
“What do you want?” Claire heard Emma ask, snapping her out of her thoughts once again.  
  
“A sandwich is fine.” Claire responds, refusing to look behind her, knowing that there was a questioning glance looking right at her.  
  
The two girls made their food quickly before retreating back down the hall. Claire was realizing that Emma had been right. Dean, Sam and Castiel never came down this hall, and even though it was all under one roof, Claire felt like she could be alone, and away from them.  
  
“I want to leave.” Claire mentioned as soon as they were out of ear shot from the three men who had gone back to researching.  
  
“Where would you even go? They have ways of finding anyone whenever they want to.” Emma responds.  
  
“I don't care, I just want to be away from them. Castiel killed my dad, and Dean Winchester killed the closest thing I had to a dad since. I don't like knowing that they are this close.” Claire looks down.  
  
“And Sam shot me, in hopes of killing me while Dean stood idle. Trust me, if there was a way of leaving without getting caught or later found, I'd have left long ago.” Emma replies, seriously. “It's starting to get annoying. I don't want to be insensitive, but you're being a weak brat. I understand things are hard, and that your dad's dead at Castiel's hands, but he feels guilty. You know that, or you wouldn't be here. Castiel feels guilty. Get your strength from that. I almost died. I don't like being around Dean, and can't stand Sam, but I have the strength to face them every day, knowing that they have to live with that guilt. I'm not saying it will be easy, but once you start letting Castiel, and even Dean, see that you have moved past it all, they will have to live with the guilt of ruining your life.” Emma explains.  
  
Claire looks at the other girl, her eyes wide. “What is wrong with you?” Claire asks, before she could stop herself. “I-I mean,”  
  
“Don't worry about offending me. They view me as a monster, just because I'm a little less than human. They were willing to let me die on the same reasoning. Forget being family, They were willing to let me die. That hurts. I'm stuck here, with people who see me as a monster. They act like it was my choice to be born. It hurts. There's also the fact that I have to live with the urge to kill Dean every day. Amazon's are supposed to complete their training or ritual or whatever you want to call it by killing their fathers, and eating their flesh. And as you have already seen, I haven't done that. It terrifies me and excites me at the same time. I don't want to kill him, but its what I was born to do. Being hungry for his flesh physically hurts when I let the thoughts in.” Emma explains.  
  
Claire stares at the other girl in complete shock. Emma had opened up so much, and revealed stuff that she probably wanted to keep buried, and Claire knew that she wanted that strength.  
  
“So if I come across as heartless, glad that they live with the guilt, it's because I blame them for the pain I have every day. That's what's wrong with me.” Emma finishes.  
  
Claire looked at Emma, really looked at her. She hadn't noticed that there was so much more there. She didn't realize that Emma had been dealing with worse things than Claire had, since Emma had been born practically.  
  
“I'm so sorry. That you have to deal with that all the time.” Claire said. It was stupid, but what do you say to someone who just opened up about the daily struggles they go through just because of who and what she was.  
  
“None of that girly sentimental crap. I don't like dealing with it. So I deal with pain and a lot of other crap. I don't need sympathy or anything.” Emma said with a smile.  
  
Claire looked at the girl. Again, she thought that they could be really great friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, criticism is welcome, help is welcome. Please don't be mean though!! I take things way to personally, and if people get mean, it makes me think no one likes it, and that I should just take it down. It's how I always get.  
> Give help, give constructional criticism, give advice, but be nice!!
> 
> Also, I wanted to go longer, but after Emma's monologue, I personally didn't know how to keep going without ending the chapter, and especially with that "None of that girly sentimental crap." I felt like it should end there, especially because it's totally a different way of saying "No chick flick moments." And it felt like a lot of "Ahh! She rants on not liking Dean and ends it all being just like him!!" feels.
> 
> Don't know when the next update will be. I will try to make it when I do up date it will be either Fridays or Saturdays, just so you know which days to check and see if there is an update and all.  
> I hope you like it!!


	3. Hungry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING,  
> for starvation and a small amount of self harm.
> 
> Is starvation a trigger? I'm fairly certain it's a trigger, so I included it.  
> Hope this warning is a good one, as I'm not used to it.

Emma had been lying on her bed, awake, and feeling fine. Despite opening up the day before, letting the past in, and with that, dealing with the heightened pain. She wasn’t lying when she said that the pain was worse if she let it in. And talking about it let it in. She didn’t want to remember the night before, it would only lead to another day of the same, but worse. 

_It wasn’t a normal pain. This was different. This was hunger, and she was starving. The pain wouldn’t last long, but it always felt like forever._

_Emma held her stomach as the pain grew. It was always worse than before, the longer she went, denying her urges, failing to complete the ritual. She didn’t belong to a tribe, they left her behind for dead, but the feelings of abandonment and being alone were as prominent as the pain._

This caused Emma to look starvation up, see the symptoms and how long they last. Though it was different for her, as all the research lead to starvation symptoms in Humans and Animals. She wasn’t an animal, and wasn’t exactly human. Even though they didn’t all apply to her, it did help her. She would force herself to remember the pain wasn’t forever, it was only temporary.

Starvation, the first few days, often left humans and animals extremely ravenous for days at a time, making the hunger, far too known. 

_It didn’t help that Dean was just down the hall, with no defence. He may as well have just called her out and handed her dagger to her himself, ready to be killed. She could catch him off guard, end the pain once and for all._

_Emma knew she wouldn’t go for Dean, she couldn’t, she had to fight it. She knew she would ultimately end up dead in less than a minute if she ever even tried to kill Dean. No, Emma knew she wouldn’t actively kill Dean, especially when she was trying so hard not to be the monster they all viewed her as._

Starvation for humans and animals, the pain would only last a few days before they learned to become numb to it, Emma didn’t entirely become numb, she still felt the pains of hunger throughout the days she wasn’t writhing in pain. The daily pains were more like that of simply missing breakfast and lunch. You’re hungry, but can hold out for dinner.

For Emma, the symptoms of starvation passed quickly. No longer than a day. Meaning that by the end of the night, she was hitting the mental symptoms of the hunger. The hallucinations would start.

They were usually hallucinations of Dean, holding her dagger out to her, edging her on. The worst was that the hallucinations looked and acted so real. The fake Dean would be self sacrificing just as the real Dean was.

_“Complete the ritual. The pain will be gone. You can go find your tribe, live out your life, how you were born to live it.” The fake Dean told her, and Emma had to fight to ignore him. She wanted to take him up on his offers so much, but she knew he wasn’t real, she had to remember that he wasn’t real._

_“Come on Em, you’re hurting, and it’s my fault. If you killed me, you wouldn’t have to deal with the pain anymore. I know you want to do it. I know you want to kill me, eat me.”_

_But no matter how bad the pain, how real the hallucinations, there were always things that Emma could point out that she knew wasn’t what the real Dean would say. He killed monsters for a living, why would he actively tell her to give into her monstrous tendencies._

But the worst symptom of starvation was the vivid dreaming. When she slept, she dreamt of killing Dean, giving into it, letting herself do what she had been told growing up, had to be done.

And the dreams weren’t normal dreams, they were vivid dreams, and as much as they excited her, they also terrified her. She never could face anyone after her, well, she called them starvation attacks. She couldn’t face them because no matter how much she hated to admit it, the dreams excited her.

The dreams felt so real, it confused her when she woke up and Dean was always still alive. It was after the attacks that she had the hardest time controlling herself. Controlling her basic urges.

_Emma didn’t want to fall asleep, even though sleep was the only escape from the pain. She didn’t want to dream about killing Dean, and not only killing him, but having it feel unbelievably real._

_Hear the panic in his voice as he told her that she didn’t have to kill him._

_See the pain in his eyes as she cut the ritualistic symbol into his chest._

_Smell the unmistakable metallic blood flowing from his wounds as she cut his hands and feet off._

_Feel his blood on her hands as she carved a piece of Dean’s flesh from his body._

_Taste it as she consumed said flesh._

_Emma didn’t want to fall asleep, because she didn’t want to live through these vivid dreams, only to be filled with guilt and confusion upon waking up. She always tried to stay awake as long as she could, but pain can exhaust anyone, if it were enough, and it soon becomes impossible to stay awake. No matter how hard Emma tried, she couldn’t keep herself from falling asleep. She always fell asleep._

Despite what Emma had told Claire the day before, she didn’t leave the hallway much, so it wasn’t uncommon when she failed to show her face for a whole day.

Living in this hallway, she was never interrupted, no one ever came down, she could deal with the after effects of these starvation attacks on her own.

She would go out for food and necessities when she knew that no one else was around, and other than that, she stayed hidden. It never changed. The only time she saw Sam or Dean was when she allowed herself out into the open, and those times were getting more and more frequent as time passed on.

Nothing changed. It was always the same. Until today.

There was a knock on the door, and Emma had thought it was all in her mind, and rolled over onto her other side, and had just relaxed enough when there was another knock. Confused, Emma groaned as she sat herself up, to gather herself, before going to open the door to see who was knocking. But when Emma opened the door, she really wished she hadn’t. 

***

Emma could tell her eyes flashed golden, and the skin around her eyes red, simply by their reactions. This side of her, the Amazon Warrior who failed to complete her initiation, Emma always worked so hard and carefully to keep hidden. She didn’t like the looks it got her. The looks that said she will never be accepted as a human, she’s a monster.

It didn’t help that she hadn’t had the chance to clean herself up yet. She was covered in her own sweat and dried blood from where she had dug her claws into her skin the night before. She wasn’t completely healed, so the marks she caused were still there.

No one had ever seen the effects these starvation attacks caused her, no one knew that they had ever even happened. She was worried that if she told them, they would look at her as even less human than they already did. She had never told anyone, except Claire the night before.

Emma had stood there, deer in headlights look on her face, for a full minute, before pulling herself together, and narrowing her still golden eyes, and tried to close the door. It didn’t work, Sam caught it before it closed. Emma knew she was strong enough to close it herself, despite Sam’s towering frame, but didn’t want to do that.

Despite what she had told Claire the night before, she was scared of Sam, so she wouldn’t do anything that would remind him any more of what she was. She wanted to slam it shut though, because with Dean standing right there as well, and after last night, she wasn’t ready to face Dean.

It was another thirty seconds of standing there, before Emma gave up, and walked to her bed, to sit, and hide her face in her pillow.

“What happened?” “Are you okay?” They both spoke at the same time, Emma couldn’t tell who said what.

Emma ignored the questions entirely. She still had her pillow covering her face, as she was trying to make them go back to normal. It wasn’t working.

She felt hands on her wrists, causing her to freeze, eliminating any resistance, making it easy for Dean to take her hands, therefore the pillow away from her face. Emma gathered her strength, to look directly at him.

“Emma, what happened?” Dean asked, gently, as if approaching an animal poised to attack.

Taking a deep breath, Emma sat up straight, before speaking. “I got hungry.” Her voice hoarse from lack of use, but loud enough to be heard.

“If you were hungry, why wouldn’t you get something to eat?” Sam asked, though Emma refused to look at him. Refused to continue looking at Dean as well, so instead, she looked down at her pillow, wondering how they could be so stupid. They believed her to be less than human, it really shouldn’t be that hard to figure out.

“Oh.” She hears the realisation come to them, or at least Dean, because he’s the one to verbally confirm that he understands, Sam just tenses up a few seconds later. “How long?”

“Since that night. There will be a few months where I’m fine, and then suddenly, it hits me.” Emma explains. “It starts out with just a simple hunger, nothing out of the ordinary. But it grows, and with that, the pain.” Emma said, opening her mouth to mention the hallucinations and dreams, but thinking better of it, and closed her mouth again.

“There’s more.” She heard Sam say.

It takes Emma a few seconds, but she gathers every bit of strength she has, to look Sam in the eyes, and say what she says next. “You’re right. There is. But with that, comes with with the incentive you’ve been looking for, for years, the incentive for to kill me. And I’m not ready to die. Not yet anyway.” Emma says, strongly, and was able to continue looking at Sam for another few seconds before looking away again.

“I haven’t done anything, if that’s what you’re wondering. The worst I’ve done is,” she looks to a spot on her leg, where there is now dry blood on her pajama pants. “Stopping myself from ending it all together.

_Whenever Emma felt like she was going to give up, and go stop the pain, go after Dean, she would dig her claws into her legs. Not enough to break them, but enough to keep her from standing for a while._

_She did this so she could keep it together. It was taking control of her urges, because if she gave in, she would be the one who wound up dead, and not Dean._

_It wasn’t to hurt her more, to send the pain into a place she had control of, it was to keep her alive. Digging her claws into her legs, as a form of survival._

_She found she was falling on this, self mutilation more and more each time she had an attack._

“If you haven’t done anything, what else is there?” Sam asks.

It takes a minute to answer, but Emma eventually gives in. “Fine.” She says. “Symptoms of severe starvation attacks the mental health. Gives you hallucinations. Vivid dreams, except in my case, it’s more like vivid nightmares. Exciting, vivid nightmares.”

“What do you mean, exciting vivid nightmares?” Dean asks, so Emma looks at him, and answers without hesitation.

“Killing you.” She pauses there for a few seconds, before continuing. “Consuming your flesh. You know, what I, as an Amazon, was supposed to do years ago. But I didn’t. I walked away. Because you said I could. I just didn’t expect it to be so hard.”

“Why haven’t you said anything about it?” Sam asks.

“I wonder why.” Emma says, but when she sees that they still don’t understand, it angers her for some reason. “Okay. ‘Hey Sam, Dean. Just to let you know, I have been having strong, painful cravings to kill Dean, and consume his flesh, like I was born to do. How’s the weather?’ I’m not stupid. Like I said, I’m not ready to die.” Emma looks at both of them with more anger, than she ever dared before.

“We wouldn’t have-” Dean started, before Emma cut him off.

“No, you would have. I mean, you,” she looked at Sam before continuing. “Already tried to kill me once, and for what? Being born, a little less than human. And you,” She turns her angry gaze on Dean now, aware her eyes were still glowing gold. “Stood there, and did nothing about it. But when I didn’t die, you both think ‘well, shit. Better take her in, keep her prisoner.’ Then basically ignoring me ever since, minus a few trips to the store here, and a ‘family lunch’ there. I’m not anything important. Not to you at least. I don’t even care why you came here in the first place, but I want you out of my room. Now.” Emma said, getting up, and walking to the door, holding it open.

It took a few minutes, though Emma wasn’t backing down, before both Sam and Dean slowly walked out of the room. She could see the guilt on Dean’s face, though not so much on Sams. She didn’t expect Sam to feel guilty, he was the one who tried to kill her in the first place, without remorse.

And when they had both walked out of the room, she closed the door, and went back to lie down on her bed, trying to calm down, and make her eyes go back to normal.

***

A few hours later, there was a knock on the door, but Emma didn’t check right away, but when she did, she found a plate of food, and a glass of, what looked at first glance to be red juice, but she noticed a note on the plate.

Emma bent down to pick up the note, and began to read. 

_You don’t have to go through this alone any more._

_-D_

It was short, simple, and to the point. But it meant a lot, and made Emma feel happy, not in the way where she was happy about what it said, but happy that she felt, welcome there, cared about, for the first time in years.

And it was only then, when it clicked. Emma realised what was in the glass. It was Dean’s blood.

And though it grossed her out, she picked it up, and put it on her dresser, forgetting about it, and went to eat the food.

_Emma didn’t know why she decided to tell Sam and Dean about these starvation attacks. She knew the main thing that triggered them, was talking about them. She had never experienced them two nights in a row before, and her body was still getting over the pain from the night before, making the pains that night even worse._

_It was then that Emma remembered what sat on her dresser. She didn’t want to do it, she wanted to avoid doing it at all costs. But the pain was so bad, Emma had to hope that it would work._

_So she stood up, and walked over to her dresser, and picked up the glass. It took a full five minutes to work up the courage, before she downed the glasses contents._

_It didn’t take the pain away completely, but it did lessen the pain a great deal._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this update is LONG overdue. March 21, 2015 being my last update, I felt the need to add more, and I knew what I wanted to include. Well, I didn't plan for this to be an Emma centric chapter. Was planning on including more Claire, but it turned into Emma.  
> Hope you don't mind the delay too much.
> 
> And in case you didn't know, the italics take place at the end of the chapter, describing the pain after talking about it all with Sam and Dean.  
> The words in italics all fall in the end of the chapter.
> 
> As always, constrictive criticism is welcome, but please don't be mean. Also, if anyone wants to beta my work, as I have no beta reader, simply let me know.  
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> OH! And I did research for this chapter! So I'll give the sites I took information from, for the chapter!
> 
> \---
> 
> Symptoms on Starvation:  
> http://www.wisegeek.org/what-are-the-symptoms-of-starvation.htm  
> What is Vivid Dreaming:  
> http://nobullying.com/vivid-dreams/  
> Supernatural Amazons:  
> http://www.supernaturalwiki.com/index.php?title=Amazons


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